How to Survive as a Television Producer in a Post-Reality Landscape

If you're an Executive Producer today you may feel compromised: your no-actor shaky-cam product-laden wündershow about seventeen average Americans locked in a home in Fiji renovated by Gordon Ramsy, forced to sing one by one in a sealed booth filled with increasingly poisonous arachnids (voted both in and out of the booth by popular text voting) while Tyra Banks races Paris Hilton to subsequently gain then lose 40 pounds in order to marry Flavor Falv and take a honeymoon catching Alaskan king crab for the chance to win $1500 probably isn't getting the kind of ratings you would hope for.

The intelligent businessman knows that in the time of recession the first thing one must do is simplify. Now you may ask, "What's more simple then watching gladiators beat the shit out of each other?" While I don't appreciate your tone, I have stumbled across a show recently on the SciFi channel and while it's not without its flaws and it may not stand the test of time I believe it's a demonstration on what the hot young executive should be keeping his or her eye out for:


What can you tell from this promotional wallpaper, and why this show has the essentials to be a winner:

*One word title
*Modern setting, buildings, glass
*Long sleeved, tight collared androgynhost
*Dollar sign in the title

I can't stress this last point enough. A dollar sign in the title shows that you, unlike most reality programing, reward participants with cash prizes.

Now that they've sucked in the viewer (and I'm sure it may have piqued the curiosity of some of our readers, as well) here's the meat of the show, the premise, and what will keep people tuned in week after week:

*Tag

See that? That's it. That's all it is. Allow me to put that into another bulleted list for emphasis:

*Tag

Simplify. Tag is universal. Tag is simple. Tag is exciting to play, and can be just as exciting to watch with a few simple additions, as demonstrated in the series premiere:


8 Variations on Agent Smith


Arguably the most important addition, the men and women in suits and sunglasses give the viewer the subliminal understanding that "being tagged" would essentially equate to death, or worse, being assimilated into a mechanical nightmare machine designed to enslave humanity (Note: the first episode showed neither of these outcomes, but this is simply an example of showing your hand one card at a time. Be prepared for a wicked sweeps week)


Gadgets

The taggies or "Runners" are given a series of tools to thwart their taggers ("Hunters"), including a wii-mote painted gold which has been tuned to reverse the internal compass of the opponent, forcing him to reverse direction, or the sonic emitter that inhibits muscle movement to the point of complete petrification. The assumption here is that the Hunters are simply humans playing by the rules, but a keen eyed viewer can see the cybernetic *click* associated with involuntary android response each time one of these gadgets is activated. Take heed: if the SciFi channel has found a cheap and effective solution to artificial AI, it's time to use your executive connections to see who else is on the path towards a similar breakthrough. Get to know your people in R&D, they can be your best friends when money's scarce.


Abandoned Marina

The entire playing field for the game included 3 warehouses, a handful of docks, and a ferry boat. I couldn't get my contacts at SciFi or NBC Universal to divulge exactly how much that space cost, but I could take an educated guess: $0. No fancy upscale New York lofts, no multi-million dollar sound stage, no flights to Uganda. Just you, the cameras, and rusted metal shingles. Brilliant. In fact I defy any of you to think of a show that wouldn't work just as well, if not better, in an abandoned marina.


If you though cutting actors and writers was enough to make your program, you're still in a 2007 mindset. This is reality on a budget. All aboard the Profitrain, express commute to the future.