Um, it's made out of fucking gold, okay?
This is an investment, Josh. Gold only goes up in value! When the market collapses, paper money will be rendered useless, and will be burned and and eaten and used by birds to build bird's nests. But not my gold chainsaw, okay? That bad boy's going to pay for itself. In spades.
Also, it's fucking intimidating. I mean, picture this, okay? I walk into the Nakatomi boardroom in front of all the investors, and they're all ready to try to lowball me with liquid assets and stock buyouts, and I just slam my gold chainsaw down on the table right in front of them. Bing bang boom, negotiations finished, thanks to my new gold chainsaw!
Okay, look, you don't get it, Josh. You don't fucking get it! I mean, yeah, okay, you claim that "the gold chainsaw costs one-hundred and thirty thousand dollars", and "gold is such a soft metal, it wouldn't be practical to build a chainsaw out of", and "a chainsaw made out of solid gold would be too heavy to lift up". Well guess what, Josh? I've been doing push-ups all week long in my office, and my delts and lats are fucking ripped, so I think I'm pretty capable of lifting up a chainsaw made of solid gold, okayyy?!
Plus, I mean, just follow me on this, but a gold chainsaw would get you so much pussy.
Also, you could use it to cut down a tree.
Yeah, I did do a few lines of coke tonight. Why?
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