Top Hats

This may be remedial for some of our readers (when said readership begins to form) but beginning with the basics seemed like the best way to ease into the unfamiliar writing territory of advice.

Wear top hats.



I know. Next I'll be telling you to brush regularly and be wary of expired foodstuffs. But the closer I look at coworkers, family, and members of our political system the more I realize that people no longer wear their top hats on a regular basis. And this isn't just the unsavory element of our society, even athletes and vagrants aren't immune to the apathy enveloping this nation. And don't get me started with those detestable bowler hats, gentlemen it's not a matter of taste, it's a matter of pride in your humanity. It's like we've forgotten why we began wearing them in the first place.

It's a simple thing you can do, especially in times of dire economic crisis, to brighten up your day and the day of those around you. Don't feel that you need to don a beaver-skinned top hat to please some elitist fashionista, leather or felt are just as acceptable and frankly more durable. The effect of the hat is ruined if it's wearer is constantly concerned for it's well-being.

For example, soon I will be celebrating (along with a good friend and collegiate peer) our collective birthdays, and I've convinced all our partygoers to wear only the most inexpensive, utilitarian top hats in order to create an equal event, inclusive to those of all means. Monocles optional. And see? All the pomp and stuffiness unfairly associated with the top hat has been fully addressed.

Don't let another vestage of Our America fall by the wayside. Wear top hats today and everyday.